Inarticulate to Thank You – Kerry-Ann Stanton

I am feeling quite inarticulate at present.  So having agreed to write for this issue I am faced with ‘about what”?

I wrote myself a list of possible topics based on the trick question, “if I were to write anything at all what would I write about?”

All sorts of unrelated words leapt to mind – angst, antelopes, hiccups, synchronicities, friends, flowing, stuck, fruity and fruitless, multiple dualities on and on.  The one word other than inarticulate that kept showing up was laughter, which I am not going to write about!  I plan to save laughter for another time.

I am going to stick with exploring inarticulate.  And I do this very tentatively – how can one write about something – articulate anything – while feeling inarticulate?

I had a play with several ways of getting started.   One was to Google the lyrics of Van Morrison’s “Inarticulate Speech of the Heart” – this being how I feel somewhat.  The whole song has only three different lines.

Inarticulate speech of the heart,
I’m a soul in wonder,

I’m just wild about it I can’t live without it

It’s a pretty good voicing of ‘inarticulate’!  Not much said at all, in a really intense way.  I’ll come back to “I’m a soul in wonder”.

Then, as I do, I turned to the dictionary:.

inarticulate adj 1. unable to express oneself fluently or clearly; incoherent, 4. unable to be expressed; unvoiced

Synonyms included: at a loss for words, incoherent, mousy, mum, mute, quiet, silent, soundless, speechless, tongue-tied, uncommunicative, voiceless, wordless

For some reason the online dictionary also gave me the following note.

Notes: loquacious means very talkative or full of trivial conversation; articulate means expressing yourself easily or characterized by clear expressive language

“That’s it!” I thought.  I have an assessment of myself and much conversation in general as being too talkative or full of trivia; that I don’t have anything in me or about me to be articulate about.

By writing this article, I am trying to make sense of where I find my self, and if there is little or no sense to be made, to just to own up to that.  I am trying to find my way of sitting without a voice, speechless for now, and unsure of any action to take.  I am trying to be at peace with this place rather than living in a state of anxiety.  And I do hope to find myself once more in a place of being able to express myself clearly.

In ontological coaching, anxiety is the state or mood we can find ourselves in when we oppose uncertainty.  When we accept uncertainty into our lives we have the opportunity to ‘go wondering’, to be a soul in wonder.

So I prefer to live my life as ‘a soul in wonder’, rather than spending too much time in angst and agonising anxiety, accepting rather than opposing the very real uncertainty in my life right now.

What helps?  Always to dance, often to meditate, take time in nature, take time to myself to be pathetic, gentle, silly, reflective, accepting, the three C’s (cake, coffee and conversation) with friends, and of course to keep writing.

Hopefully, maybe, possibly, over time I can share where my wondering has led me.

In the meanwhile Meister Eckhart said, “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was “thank you,” that would suffice.”

Thank you

Kerry-Ann