What might I be avoiding?

Where possible I stay alert to the ‘little’ signals in my life. Sometimes this means I avert trouble – other times I get to do delicious things just because I was paying attention.

At the osteopath the other day, having a very real lower back ‘compression’ released, she casually enquired if there was anything I might be avoiding? Now I am not real keen on this type of question. I don’t see myself as a committed avoider and anyway, if I knew what I was avoiding wouldn’t I be doing something about it? (Note: I do realise this is a very large presumption on my part)

I like and trust my osteopath and couldn’t very well hit her for asking such a question. Yet while I had an inkling of the need for the question I didn’t like it. I didn’t have an answer then nor do I currently have the complete answer. So I have left the question floating in the ether for consideration.

“Avoid” means to refrain or stay away from; prevent. It comes with a long and energetic list of synonyms including: abstain, dodge, hide, shrink from, sidestep, steer clear of and withdraw.

A phrase I have heard my self using over the last year as I review my direction is “I have chickened out on myself on a number of occasions in my life and I don’t want to do that this time.” Chicken out is a form of avoiding for sure and believe it or not ‘chicken out’ is a listing in the online dictionary – a verb – to back down. It too has a long and discouraging list of synonyms. The ones that resonate with me include: back down, back out, get cold feet, give up and wimp out!

Not how I would like to live my life or be described for that matter. From the synonyms I moved to the antonyms; face, meet, seek and want.

Definitely more the energy I want to be living my life from – facing into, seeking and meeting fresh challenges and wanting to be connected and of use.

In the osteopathic session what did show up was a body response to my mumbling about confidence in my self and my competence to take the rest of my life in a new direction. More recently I have experienced a strong sense that some how I box myself in, keeping my life vision too small and limiting my spiritual energy.

So rather than avoiding I am making a commitment to personal confidence and active expression of my spiritual energy. I remain unclear as to how this will fully manifest. However I am listening to my intuition, talking with other people and testing my ideas and getting to listen to myself out loud. Most importantly, my affirmation is “I back myself”.

Watch this space! Arohanui Kerry-Ann